Oh man. I guess this blog has gotten a bit ignored in the last few weeks, that got very crazy. I guess when it comes down to those crazy times, blogging is not what I turn to. And that's ok, although it means I am going to shut it down after this post.
The kids went camping at the end of April, and something happened. I thought it was supposed to be good for them. I guess in certain ways it was. There are real friendships among the girls that didn't exist before. There are a few kids who are showing some kindness, and some confidence, that they didn't have before.
But as a group, they are even more unruly than before. I thought it was just me, but Mr. Lee said, in the last two weeks or so, that we just needed to keep them out of a large group situation as much as possible; that the paramount consideration needed to be the group dynamics.
What do I mean by that? Two minutes cannot not go by without a put-down. One student, K, all of a sudden has Tourrette's- violent tics that come fast and furious and that she can't control. The Gang of Four- K, R, N & C- cannot prevent themselves, apparently, from bringing the whole class down. Two of them honestly may not have the cognitive capacity to understand exactly what they are doing. The other two do; one doesn't believe she can control herself, and the other can but he just doesn't want to because he doesn't think he should be in this class.
Read-alouds, morning meeting, any kind of activity will, in literally two minutes, dissolve into:
"Stop LOOKING AT ME!"
"Why are you starting a conflict with me?"
"I can't SEE!"
"Don't PUSH me!"
"Come ON, this is BORING..."
"YOU stop!" "No, YOU stop!" "NO, YOU!" and on and on.
Honestly, their behavior is like a bunch of grouchy kindergartners, and it's all anyone can do to complete a thought in their presence. They are like this on field trips; they are like this for activities they love.
The only times they are not is when they are completely absorbed in a hands-on activity, like the drumming workshop, or modeling their animals out of clay, although both of these activities still took the complete attention of 5-7 adults to one or the other of them at all times in order to keep everyone on task. You've got maybe 30 minutes of relative peace.
Academically, they have all progressed, and some are beginning to really grown socially. As a group, they are a complete & utter disaster. It made me so sad to leave them in this state last week.
Mr. Lee assures me it's the time of year, as well as being a dynamic that cannot be diagnosed or averted, but just gotten through.
Still, my departure was sweet. Many of them wrote and spoke reflections of me that used more language than I thought they were capable of. I got hugs and accolades from unlikely suspects, who had aggressively kept their distance until, well, now, or so I thought.
I said I would visit, and I will. And I hope I can visit them next year too, since most of them will still be with Mr. Lee. I love them each for their own special ways that they have. But boy did they keep us running hard these last three weeks....
This semester, more than the fall, has been a real perception-changing experience. I would not trade it for anything, and I would not trade my chance to get to know these kids, in particular, for anything. I hope I never lose this edge- the ability to reach, if only with my mind and my awareness, these kids and see, maybe just a little, what they need.
